I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
