Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
