You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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