I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
