every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
