awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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