you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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