and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
