Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
