she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
