im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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