why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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