He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
