i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
