he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
