Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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