I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
