woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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