My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
