I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
