i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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