Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
where am i from again
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
