fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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