Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
