he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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