we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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