my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
