this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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