That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me