I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants