This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
where are you?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.