i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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