Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
