I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
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