my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize