Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
