If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
