so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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