So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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