I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
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when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
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My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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