I puked a lego.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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