I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
