It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
