i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
