If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
