Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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