i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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