The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
foreskin is a definite game changer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
