Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
