So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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