WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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