Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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