the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
