Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
