spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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