Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
