We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
