I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
