Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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