Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
