I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
