so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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