So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
